 Bleach is healthy. It's mostly water. And we're mostly water. Therefore, we're bleach. 
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| — Nathan Explosion | ||
Dethhealth is the third episode of the third season of Metalocalypse, forty-second overall. It aired on November 22, 2009 on Adult Swim.
Synopsis
Dethklok turns an annual health check up into an excuse to party hardcore and then drink bleach. Toki gets a pet he loves, but it doesn't live very long.
Plot
The band performs at the Sphinx of Giza to promote the neutering of pets (castrations only, which are summarily carried out using a guillotine-like device.) Things go wrong in the usual Dethklok fashion, with chaos and bloodshed erupting in the crowd.
The head of the Sphinx falls off and rolls around crushing concertgoers, while Toki finds an unattended cat in the rubble. Nathan finally notices the Sphinx-head when it rolls to a stop — but his only concern is that Dethklok could have been killed by it.
Back at Mordhaus, the band meet with Offdensen to discuss how unnerved they still are by their brush with mortality, to the point where they insist that the euphemism "hamburger time" be used for anything to do with death. Offdensen suggests that it would be a good idea for them all to get a complete physical, and that Nathan in particular is overdue for a dental exam. Toki has adopted the cat, who "gots a little bit of a cough."
The band members take some time to detoxify before their medical checkup. This only results in an epic Dethklok bender in the Caymans, followed by a poorly-though-out attempt to reverse the damage by drinking bleach.
After the group gets a thorough exam, early test results indicate that Pickles is dying. Murderface begins to question his sexuality after a routine hernia-check results in him accidentally ejaculating in the doctor's face. Nathan, in addition to being reluctant to accept anasthesia while his teeth are drilled, sees mounting evidence that his dentist is suicidal.
Offdensen summons everyone back to Mordhaus to inform them further tests have been run, and Pickles is not actually dying. He wants to know what went wrong with the urinalysis, and each member of the band admits to tampering with the samples: Pickles switched his urine with Murderface's, who switched his with Skwisgaar's, then he with Nathan's, who switched with Toki's. Toki states that he used his cat's urine; looking down, he notices the cat has suddenly died. Toki becomes hysterical and faints.
This leads into a bizarre dream-sequence featuring the song "Hamburger Time". It ties up the plot-threads of the episode: Toki says goodbye to his cat, while Pickles gloats that since he is not dying, he can resume abusing drugs and liquor with a vengeance. Nathan reveals that he has befriended the dentist and believes he is no longer suicidal. Murderface gleefully runs around bragging "I jacked off on a doctors face!" (as it turns out, the doctor intentionally gave him a hand-job, meaning he is gay and Murderface is not.)
During the credits, Toki's dead cat is placed in a series of nesting, and increasingly elaborate, coffins, culminating in a monument four times the height of the Sphinx, which it promptly falls on and crushes.
Nathan takes his new friend hunting. The dentist casually blows his own head off with a shotgun.
Songs featured in this episode
- I Ejaculate Fire
Guest voices
- Ace Frehley as Dr. Naniltred Faniltendriten, the Tribunal's "celebrity death specialist".
Trivia
- In the episode, the band visits "St. Necrophagist Hospital". Necrophagist means "Eater of the Dead," and may also be a reference to the technical death metal band Necrophagist.
- When Skwisgaar hears the news that Pickles is dying, he frets with his guitar faster. He has a habit of stress practicing when he is upset, most notably seen when he is with his mother.
- When Pickles is binging on drugs and alcohol before he dies, he cuts his cocaine with a hot topic gift card.