"Writersklok" is the sixth episode of the fourth season of Metalocalypse, fifty-fifth overall. It aired on June 3, 2012 on Adult Swim.
Dick Knubbler is fired from being musical producer of Dethklok and replaced by Abigail Remeltindrinc. Abigail doesn't get along well with the band since she expects them to actually work. When they fail to do anything she sends them to another country to get inspiration.
In what appears to be a large mining operation, a look-out spots a military vehicle approaching a barbed wire fence. A sniper inside the car kills the lookout and then the sniper's group kills everyone in the location. An unknown voice narrates "And our home was pillaged to bring forth the dark soul." Then the voice of Crozier can be heard saying "I fear these deaths will draw attention to our work" and Orlaag responds "the mission must continue no matter what the cost". Salacia, in a voice raspier than usual says "General Crozier, your efforts will be rewarded in due time." Crozier can be seen heading the military massacre, his eyes glowing in an ominous purple glow.
A newscaster announces that the world economy is still going on a downward spiral and that Dethklok, particularly Nathan, is being blamed for destroying the record that was so anticipated and world leaders are demanding answers. In other news, tyrant Sultan Sotajumala is becoming notorious for increasing beheadings in his country, particularly his own staff when he cannot afford to pay them. The newscaster returns to the subject of Dethklok and the question of whether they will make a new album to stimulate the global economy. At a press conference, Nathan says he's sympathetic, but he has a bad case of writer's block so there's nothing he can do.
Nathan is recording a song about falling down but he stops in the middle because he's not feeling it. Knubbler says that it's good enough and Pickles angrily points out that they have been making music demos for 37 days without any progress. Nathan insists that he's not feeling it and Knubbler replies that Amber, who is revealed to be a lingerie-clad woman on his lap, was feeling it. Skwisgaar also has women on his lap: "Trinities" and her sister "Quadrupleties", both dressed as cheerleaders who were giving him a double blow job during the demo. Murderface also has a woman sitting on his lap, who is mostly clothed and looking rather uncomfortable. Nathan comments that maybe he needs a blowjob too as he looks down on the half-naked women inside the recording booth who look at him longingly. Knubbler suggests that they record at least one verse before breaking for lunch and they begin to argue what they will eat. Toki suggests "that one place" that has good burritos and Pickles agrees, suggesting the whole band go to Mexico. Pickles also has a scantily-clad woman on his lap and Toki stands out as the only one petting a rabbit rather than getting sexual attention. Nathan comments that they will have to put some clothes on "these sluts" if the whole group will go out in public. Just then a black phone with a bright red light instead of a dial pad rings and the whole band looks at it apprehensively, since that phone ringing means someone is about to get fired.
They go to Charles' office where he tells them that Crystal Mountain Records is not happy with the latest demos and that as a result Dick is fired. Dick responds angrily and Nathan speaks in his favor, but it turns out that Dethklok is so deep in debt with the company for destroying the record that they have no say on the matter. Pickles sarcastically thanks Nathan and Nathan replies that it's not his fault the record was not perfect and that he had to destroy it. Charles says that the new producer should be here soon and Pickles asks what his name is.
The Tribunal is already talking about this and they say her name is Abigail Remeltindtdrinc, also known as the "Record Cleaner" a music producer with an extremely successful track record. Orlaag comments that she's known within the industry as a hard-headed battle-ax, that bands have broken up over her because they can't handle her unorthodox ways of working. Senator Stampingston then calls a "Misogyny in the Workplace" specialist, Captain Slufgyflaysid. Slufgyflaysid explains that male workers only see their female peers as their mommies or pawns for the sexual pleasure. He says that "super hot chicks" have the most trouble with this, that "good looking bitches" have trouble getting respect even if they are good at their job, which they usually are not. He concludes that putting a "buttercup" like Abigail with Dethklok could prove calamitous.
Back at Mordhaus, Abigail meets Dethklok in their messy living room and says they should have been in the studio an hour ago. While lounging around, Skwisgaar responds that it's part of their creative process and Abigail says they should talk about it. Murderface rudely replies that she should leave the creative stuff to them and she should fetch them drinks. Abigail retorts that William should fetch them since he's the low-ranking bass player. Nathan shocked at her abrasive response and makes a joke to Skwisgaar that she must be on her period.
Abigail asks Nathan to walk her through a typical recording day and he obliges. It usually goes like this: they wake up early around 2pm, 5pm sometimes. Then they have imported breakfast from Vienna. Murderface interjects that at that point in the day they will probably have a nap, jack off and then have another nap. Nathan finishes by saying that sometimes they make it to the studio but by then they're tired so they call it a day and go back to bed. Abigail points out their "process" is bullshit and Nathan asks to speak to her privately.
They go to the kitchen and Nathan starts giving a speech about how Dethklok is his band, but Abigail interrupts him saying that the band is burnt out and that deep down they're worried that they have nothing left to say. This catches Nathan off-guard and before he can reply she says that she's sending the band on a mandatory vacation. The rest of the band, who followed them to the kitchen, cheers when they hear this and Toki loudly says he wants to go to Knott's Berry Farms and Pickles says it has not been decided yet. Nathan yells at them that they're not supposed to be there since this is supposed to be a private conversation and Abigail says she already took care of all the arrangements. She says that they can start working on their new record as soon as they get back and tries to be friendly while Nathan calls somebody.
It turns out Nathan called Knubbler to meet in secret to conspire to get him his old job back because Nathan doesn't like Abigail. Nathan says that they have to "get rid" of Abigail and Knubbler thinks that Nathan is implying that they have to kill her and says he knows some people. Nathan denies this and tells Dick to fix the demos while Dethklok is on vacation, since there is enough there for him to work with and the company will probably give him his job back if he gets them into shape. Dick suggests that he could charm "the pants off" Abigail but Nathan tells him that he's terrible with women that he should only work hard on the demos since it's the only thing that has a chance to work. Dick seems to think Nathan meant something else, saying "secret message received".
Meeting the big-dicked autocratEdit
Dethklok is flying on a crowded plane and a small boy mentions that Nathan has pretty hair, like his mothers. Nathan hesitantly thanks him for the compliment and then asks why there are so many people on their plane and a man tell his they're flying coach. Pickles says that's how "regular jack-offs" fly and a baby starts crying next to Nathan, which makes him complain that people around him are shitting their pants. Skwisgaar tries to see the good in the situation, saying that the "call-stewardess" button is the "international signs for the groupie sluts" and Murderface presses it to test it. The stewardess comes and asks how she can assist and Muderface replies he's not going to degrade himself by vocally asking for sex. The stewardess turns him down flatly and Nathan demands she brings them food and drinks and she replies "nothing is free in coach, ma'am" and Nathan is too surprised at being confused with a woman to complain.
Back in USA, Knubbler asked Abigail to meet in him a restaurant called the Mastodon. They have been talking about the possibility of Dick being re-hired and Abigail says that even if he polishes up the demons, it's not her decision whether he'll come back or not. Abigail asks why he chose for them to meet about work in a romantic restaurant and Knubbler says he wanted to talk about "something that fits real nice in a hot dog bun", making Abigail visibly mortified. Before she can say anything, he accidentally sets himself on fire by playing with the candle.
Dethklok arrives to an airport in an unknown country and they are confused, since it doesn't look like a resort. They ask for their luggage and an airport employee offers to help the "ladies" and asks what their bags look like. Nathan says he doesn't know because he did not pack them and then realize none of them have any luggage. Other men at the airport start cat-calling and making sexual propositions and the airport employee says that men here "are not used to seeing such beautiful women". Nathan realizes that they don't have any luggage, passports or money but that they should try to go to hotel and get food anyway. They keep getting turned away from hotel and restaurants, so in the span of seven says they are completely disheveled and eating food out of garbage. Nathan angrily blames Abigail for sending them on this horrible vacation, but Pickles blames Nathan for setting disaster in motion by destroying the record. Nathan shouts that he already apologized for that and Pickles yells that he has never apologized. Nathan shouts that his apology was implied and then two get into a shouting argument about it, Pickles insisting that Nathan has never apologized and Nathan saying that he has an apology problem. Before this can escalate further a van stops in front of them and some armed men demand that they get inside.
They are brought as prisoners to the dictator Sultan Sotajumala, who tells that ever since he "accidentally" beheaded his band, he has grown tired of "his women"; revealed to be many sad and frightened women wearing black burqas and hijabs being imprisoned behind bars in the same room, most likely his sexual slaves; and he wants a "fresh crop". Which is why he's making Dethklok the newest addition to his harem, confusing them for women again. He even comments to his advisor "have you ever seen such a wonderful pack of horny sluts?". Sotajumala then demands to the shocked Dethklok that they take off their clothes and suck his dick. Dethklok denies they are women and explain they are the world-famous band. Sotajumala seems unconvinced about their sex but says that they can prove they are Dethklok by playing a brand new song just for him, otherwise they will have to fellate him anyway. Pickles and Skwisgaar tell Nathan that they don't want to be sexual prisoners and Nathan says he's still low on ideas, but when Sotajumala unzips his pants he seems convinced to at least try.
The band get cleaned up and start playing in front of Sotajumala's army, his pet tiger and the imprisoned women. They begin their song and at the same time the women (either inspired by the song or simply using it as a distraction) coordinate an attack to escape their prison. They strangle the guard with the keys and grab his gun. They attack the other men and the tiger unwittingly helps them out by killing some of them. As more men die, the women take their machine guns, some of them taking off their burqas to fight better and the fight turns to the women's favour. Sotajumala realizes with horror that he is outnumbered, but he doesn't know what to do as he sees his advisor eviscerated with an axe. Two women behind him topple a column on top of him and the dictator dies on his throne, his guts spilling across the floor.
Meanwhile, Knubbler is showing Abigail the demos he fixed, but she's not very impressed and says that it sounds like the work of a desperate coked-out lunatic. She says that the music will not work, but his engineering is outstanding so she's willing to hire him as music engineer. Dick seems to interpret this as a come-on so he tries to kiss her, but Abigail quickly puts a stop to that by kneeing him on the crotch.
Songs featured in this episodeEdit
- It should be noted that "Sultan" can both be a title and a proper name. It's unclear whether for Sotajumala it's a self-appointed title (given that there are no modern sultanates) or his actual name.
- The country they end up in appears to be an older dystopian version of Khemed in the sense that's it's a fictional Islamic and/or Arabic country that takes cues from real ones (Sultan Sotajumala appears to be partly based on real-life dictator Muammar Gaddafi of Libya, who famously had a "harem" of female bodyguards).
- "Battle-axe" is usually a derogatory term to describe a woman who is too outspoken, the term was first used against women in the suffragette movement.
- Ironically, the misogyny expert is a misogynist himself.
- Knott's Berry Farms  is a real attraction in California.
- Women of Islamic faith who wear the burqa usually only wear it when going out in public, so it's rather odd that the imprisoned women would wear it inside the palace. However, it's highly likely that Sotajumala simply forces them to wear it.